Dear Younger Self,
This is going to sound crazy, but the most important thing I need to you to know is that it feels SO good to love yourself. At nearly 30, I’m still working toward this, but there has been an enormous weight lifted in the past year or so when I realized that it’s actually easier to love yourself than it is to hate yourself. There are people in your life (or there will be soon) whom you love unconditionally… think about what that word means: without condition. They could do or be or say anything and you would still love them, despite their imperfections and mistakes. You love them no matter what. It is so freeing to love yourself in this same way.
Your late 20s will be like puberty all over again, but this time without fights with your mom and pimples (actually there may still be pimples… also wrinkles?). I am nearly entirely a different person now from who I was at the age of 20, and the process of getting here has been such a gift. The best part is that back then I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew it all, bless my heart. I thought I had this life figured out. It’s ridiculous how different things are now and I LOVE the idea that, no matter how much I think I have figured out at the moment, I know the future will only get better. The past has been a good teacher for me.
Everything DOESN’T happen for a reason. Hard things will happen to you, and it’s up to you to build purpose within your circumstances. That’s what brave people do, and it turns out that bravery will end up being your most admired and sought-after trait in yourself and others. You are brave, and you’ll be proud of this someday, but it didn’t come easily. You had to earn it the hard way, through loss and disappointment and failure.
I’m on a path now, one to reach some goals that you set for me when you were even littler. I ignored these dreams of yours for a very long time and denied them as a part of my identity. I stuffed things away for the sake of doing what made the most sense at the time; for being “practical”. I think these few years will make you sad, but don’t lose hope; there will be brighter days. I realized that, if I never made an attempt to fulfill this part of who I have always known I am, an important part of me (us) would be lost. I knew that, if I could see ten years into the future and see myself still grinding away doing a job that I did not love, I would be so crushed. I know now that you, younger self, would be proud of the path I’m on now.
Go along for the ride. You can’t see it all or be it all or do it all. You can, however, enjoy the journey. Just focus on that.
The most important thing you need to know is that you’re doing and will continue to do a good job. Lots of people will say that to you along the way, and don’t get me wrong, you WILL fail sometimes. But overall, they’re right. Believe them. And believe me when I say it; honestly the opinions of anyone else don’t matter anyway. All that you’re doing now leads you to live a pretty damn good life full of love and adventure. Stay on the path, and like Mom always tells you, listen to your little voice. It won’t mislead you.
Lots of love,
Kate.
